Four Tasks of Mourning

Accepting the Reality of the Loss

In many ways we look and search for the person who died; to learn everything we can about him or her to understand that, indeed, he or she is really dead.  It is often very painful and sad when we cannot just pick up a telephone or make a visit to our loved one to share the news of our lives.

Experiencing the Pain of Grief

We feel a great deal of pain during grief, both physical and emotional.  We may be very depressed, sad, and prone to tears.  It can be difficult to cope with everyday activities.  We may want to keep busy constantly so that we don’t think of our loved one’s absence.  We may feel angry or guilty.  Often, during this time, we feel like we are going crazy.

Adjusting to An Environment in Which the Deceased Is Missing

We are not aware of all the roles played by the person who died until after his death occurs.  Sometimes survivors experience difficulty and resentment about assuming new roles.

Emotionally Relocate the Deceased and Move on With Life

By emotional relocation we can find a new place in our life for the lost loved one — a place that will allow us to move forward with life and form new relationships.

Some people are hesitant to form these new relationships because they believe they will dishonor the memory of the lost loved one.

From Worden, J.W., Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy, Second Edition, Spring Publishing Co., NY, 1991.