Helping Others Grieve

Helping Others Grieve
Spiritual Traditions

Helping Others Grieve

When someone you care about is grieving, you might feel helpless and sad that you cannot take away his or her pain. It is normal to want to try to help while also feeling uncertain about what is okay or not okay to say and do.

Here are some ways you can help:

Listen to the person when he or she wants to talk and let them know you are there to hear whatever feelings, memories, fears, or concerns come up.
It may feel like the person’s grief is taking a long time to heal, but it is important to allow that person to talk about their loved one as frequently as they need to. It could take a while for the person to begin to recover from the loss.
You will probably wish there is something you can say to make the person feel better, but try to remember that it is important for them to feel whatever emotions come up, including unpleasant ones, and don’t try to say things just to fill the silence.
Avoid saying things like: “He/She is in a better place now.” “He/She is with God.” “It was for the best.” “You can always remarry/have another child.” “At least he/she did not suffer.” or “You’ll get over it in time.”
Do reference the person who has died by name and express your condolences. Let the person know you are there to listen and sit with their pain and discomfort.
Rather than asking the person if there is anything you can do, think of specific things you can do that will be helpful, such as laundry, watching the kids for a while, walking the dogs, cooking dinner, or running errands.
Encourage the person to seek professional help if you don’t think he/she is healing over time or if the death was too difficult for the person to handle alone.

Overall, keep in mind that it is not your responsibility to take away your loved one’s pain or grief. It is important that they do the work on their own and find meaning in the loss in their own time and way.