Helping Others Grieve

Helping Others Grieve
Spiritual Traditions

Spiritual Traditions

No one is born with a biological blueprint of how to mourn or grieve. We learn how to do this from our families, who are usually following cultural teachings. Most religious belief systems have long-held traditions on how to memorialize the dead, including rituals, songs, dances, special tools, works of art, articles of clothing and periods of mourning. Many families find great comfort and meaning in following their own faith or cultural traditions. Others may feel stifled or stymied by them, and may benefit from coming up with their own unique ways of remembering. Nonetheless, each of us will be influenced by our cultural background as we move through the grieving process. The following provides a summary of some of the major cultural traditions surrounding death and mourning in the United States.

Buddhist

Buddhism is practiced in many Asian communities in the United States and there are many different sects of schools of thought within this religion.
Many practicing Buddhists are seeking increase awareness in their lives, with the ultimate goal of reaching true enlightenment, or Nirvana.
Tibetan Buddhists in particular emphasize rebirth.
There are special meditations that Buddhists often use at the time of death. They may ask to limit sedation of their dying loved one so that he or she can maintain consciousness for the meditation.
The memorial ritual is usually officiated by a family member.
Cremation is typical.

Christian

Mourners take comfort in the idea that their loved one has ascended to the Kingdom of Heaven, to be reunited with other deceased loves ones and to be with God.
Living Christians aspire to reach the afterlife through their good faith.
There is typically a period between the death and the funeral service in which mourners pay their respects to the deceased and show support for the family. Often the body is viewed during this time.
Burial is typical, and mourners often accompany the family to the burial site. The casket is typically lowered after the mourners leave.
Dark clothing is traditionally worn at the funeral service.

Protestant

There is a wide variety of Protestantism in the United States, and each denomination has its own funeral traditions.
Confession and prayer at the time of death is usually made directly to God.
There is a strong belief in eternal life, and people will faith will have life after death.
Funerals and memorials often stress that the deceased is in a “better place”.

Roman Catholic

It is very important for many Catholics to have the last rites administered by a priest to a loved one who is dying. This provides the dying person with an opportunity to make a confession to the priest and also serves as a comfort to the family.
A priest officiates at the funeral and burial.
In traditional cultures, the year following the death is considered an extended period of mourning, and in some cases, older grievers may choose to wear black clothing.

Hindu

Hinduism today is comprised of many sects that have their own traditions surrounding death. Hindus typically believe in eternal life through reincarnation, and that their fate in the next life depends on their virtue in the present life.
Cremation typically takes place on the day of death. The family washes the body in a special ritual to prepare it for cremation.
A Hindu priest officiates at the funeral ritual. White is traditionally worn.
There are 13 days of official mourning, in which friends and family visit to offer support and condolences.

Humanist

This is an ethical belief system that stresses decency in relationships with others.
Memorial services typically celebrate life and acknowledge loss without religious ritual, according to the specific wishes of the loved one’s family.
Services may be held in any location that feels appropriate.

Jewish

Jewish funerals and burials typically take place within a day or two of death. Cremation is usually not practiced among Conservative or Orthodox Jews.
A rabbi or cantor officiates at the burial service. Families shovel symbolic soil onto the casket as it is lowered.
A seven-day period of mourning calling “sitting Shiva” is often practiced in which prayers are offered and the family talks about the deceased.
Friends and family visit and bring meals during this period. Sympathy cards and charitable donations are typically offered in lieu of flowers.
Though the Jewish faith does teach the existence of life after death, it is not usually the focus of mourning rituals.
Forgiveness is an important part of the grieving process.

Muslim

In the Muslim faith, death is seen as the return to the Creator, Allah, who will judge the soul based on how the life was lived.
Burial is the custom. Cremation is forbidden. Muslims believe that the body is returned to the Earth, where it originated.
In order to prepare the body for burial, family and friends engage in ritual washing. Women wash other women’s bodies, and men wash other men’s bodies, with the exception of spouses, who may wash one another’s bodies. The body is then wrapped in a clean white cloth.
The burial ritual takes place within 24 hours of death or as soon as possible. Only men participate in the burial. Young children are typically not present.
An Imam or Holy Man officiates at both the funeral and burial service.
The mourning period lasts for three days for most and 40 days for a surviving spouse.

American Indian

There are many different nations that all have their own death traditions.
Some nations do not have contact with the dying or advocate a very positive outlook in the presence of the dying. Grieving is done privately.
Death is a journey to another world, but American Indian beliefs do not include dualities like heaven and hell and supernatural and earthling. The Creator is in the Earth.
Certain spots in nature are important for sacred ceremonies, including burial. Personal items are often placed into the casket.
Some groups incorporate Christian beliefs into their practices.