Sexual Trauma

Adult sexual assault survivors
Children experiencing sexual abuse
Adult survivors of child sexual abuse

Adult Sexual Assault Survivors

Survivors of rape are faced not only with the emotional and physical effects of a violent crime, but also with many misperceptions that society and even close friends or family members may have about sexual assault. Our culture tends to blame the victim, which leads to a sense of shame and very high rates of underreporting.

Statistics on Sexual Assault (DC Rape Crisis Center)

77% of survivors know their attacker
84% of rapes go unreported to the authorities
46% of acquaintance rape survivors and 27% of stranger rape survivors never tell anyone
1 in 7 married women will be raped by her husband at some point

In reality, rape is not a crime of passion and is not driven by the perpetrator’s sexual desire. Rape is about domination and control, about the perpetrator’s need to overpower another human being. Therefore, regardless of what you were wearing, how you were acting, or how much you were drinking or using drugs, rape is not your fault.

Survivors pay a steep price for the perpetrator’s crime. They experience significant feelings of loss in many areas of their lives – loss of control, loss of self, loss of security, loss of sexual interest, comfort or desire. Individual survivors of rape experience many different emotions and reactions and have different ways of coping. Many survivors find it comforting, however, to learn about common reactions, and to know that they are not alone.

Because rape is an emotional and physical trauma, many survivors experience symptoms of post-traumatic stress. These symptoms are usually grouped into three broad categories:

Intrusions, such as flashbacks, nightmares, or intrusive thoughts
Avoidance of situations, people or places that bring on the intrusions
Hyperarousal, including hypervigilance, sleeplessness, and increased startle response (“jumpiness”) The following list provides a more specific and comprehensive picture of common psychological and behavioral reactions.

You may feel …

Guilty, as if you did something to deserve to be raped (dressed provocatively, drank too much, acted recklessly, etc.)
An overwhelming sense of anger, at the rapist, at yourself, at the world, at God
As if you have no control over your life
Terrified that you will be raped again
Generally afraid of being alone A need to avoid anything that reminds you of the assault, including talking about it
Loss of trust, especially if you were raped by someone you know
Constantly intruded upon by thoughts, flashbacks and nightmares of the assault
Lack of interest in or fear of sexual intimacy

What you can do…

Repeatedly remind yourself that this was not your fault.
Reach out to organizations like the DC Rape Crisis Center (DCRCC) or the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN). They can provide you with information about the legal reporting process and medical care, including sexual assault “kits”. They also have 24-hour phone or online counseling services and can help you find a long-term counselor.
Seek help from a mental health professional
Consider joining a support group for survivors
Reach out to friends and family who make you feel supported, loved and heard
Limit your time with people who are emotionally demanding or only contact you when they need something. Consider ending or pausing relationships with people who are judgmental or don’t believe you.
Take care of yourself. Pay special attention to your eating, sleeping and exercise habits. Maintaining a positive daily routine can help you feel more in control.
Consider keeping a journal to help process your emotions
Utilize your spiritual side. Prayer, meditation, visualization and engaging in your religious or spiritual community can often feel strengthening and restorative.

Children Experiencing Sexual Abuse

Child sexual abuse can be defined as any sexual contact between a child and a person older than they are, usually an adolescent or adult. This includes touching, fondling, flashing, forced viewing of pornography, and prostitution, as well as any sexual act. Sexual abuse is very common in the United States. According to the DC Rape Crisis Center, one in three girls and one in six boys is abused before age 18, with the median age for abuse at just nine years old.

Child victims almost always know their abuser. According to the National Center for Post-traumatic Stress Disorder, 30% of child sex abusers are family members, 60% are known to the child in some other way (e.g., a babysitter, coach or teacher), and the remaining 10% are strangers. Abusers are most often men, regardless of the sex of the victim; women are the perpetrators in only 14% of sexual abuse cases. The violation is often ongoing and habitual, though it can certainly be isolated to a single encounter and still have devastating effects. There are many emotional and psychological losses associated with child sexual abuse, and they often carry into adulthood (see below).

It can be difficult to know when a child is being sexually abused. Perpetrators typically create an isolated, secretive world in order to maintain the abusive relationship – the child is either manipulated or intimidated into keeping it a secret. Because the abuser is often an authority figure of some kind, children can feel that they are being punished for doing something bad. The following is a list of possible indicators of child sexual abuse.

Emotional isolation or withdrawal
Behavior changes, such as acting out in school
Irritability
Changing or dropping friends
Sleep disturbances – both sleeping a lot and trouble sleeping
Nightmares or bed-wetting
Change in eating habits
Increased clinginess
Sudden fear of a certain person, place or activity
Fascination with sex at a very young age
Physical discomfort in the private areas – itching, bleeding rawness
Self-harm behaviors, such as cutting

It is important to note that many of the symptoms listed above, such as irritability and behavior change, are indicators that anything could be wrong with your child, not just sexual abuse. It is important to have a non-threatening and open conversation with her and try to establish the root of the problems. Many children fear that no one will believe them and have internalized the abuse as their fault or something they deserved. It is important to emphasize that you will believe your child and take what he says seriously. If he discloses the abuse, stress that it is not his fault and that you are proud of him for telling you. The following is a list of suggestions for what to do if a child you love has been sexually abused.

What you can do …

Remember that it is possible for your child to heal from this, especially with your help.
Seek out a child advocacy center in your area that is experienced and skilled at interviewing families who are reporting child sexual abuse. For a list of centers, please visit the National Children’s Alliance.
Take your child to see a mental health professional who is experienced in working with child sexual abuse survivors. Play therapy, sand-tray therapy and art therapy are commonly used techniques in the healing process.
If you are one of the abused child’s primary caregivers, be sure to get support for yourself as well as the child. Often the best predictor of a child’s resiliency from sexual abuse is the quality of primary care, so it is important for you to take care of yourself.
Do not downplay the abuse to the child, even though you may wish for your child that it wasn’t as bad as it seems. It is important to send the message that any type of abuse is unacceptable and that you will always take it seriously.
It is natural to feel a sense of protectiveness after learning that your child has been sexually abused. Try to manage your overprotective instincts, so that your child does not pick up on your fear. This could increase her overall sense of anxiety.

Adult Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse

Many of the effects of child sexual abuse can carry over well into adulthood. The psychological world created by the abuser, in which the child is not allowed to tell anyone and often feels responsible for the abuse, often leads to intense emotional withdrawal, shame, guilt and mistrust. The survivor often experiences a major loss as a result of the abuse – loss of the ability to form strong, positive relationships with others. Nonetheless, many survivors of child sexual abuse are able to heal and live the kind of lives they want to live. The following lists represent common reactions experienced by adult survivors of child sexual abuse, as well as coping strategies to help the healing process.

You may experience …

Extreme difficulty trusting others and trusting in yourself
Trouble forming strong relationships with others
A tendency to be controlled and abused in relationships, or to be controlling and abusive yourself
Sexual difficulties, anywhere from promiscuity to avoiding sex altogether
Frequent feelings of anger that are difficult to explain
Trouble concentrating, focusing and/or remembering things • Recurrent episodes of “zoning out” or feeling “out of body”
Symptoms of depression. Depression is the most common symptom in survivors of child sexual abuse.
Constant fear and anxiety. Research shows that survivors of sexual abuse are up to five times more likely to be diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, most likely as a result of always being on guard as a child.
Triggers that remind you of the abuse, whether it is something obvious like sexual contact, or something more subtle, like a certain sound, smell or color that reminds you of the abusive environment.
Eating problems, including restricting, bingeing and pursing
Other self-harm behaviors, like cutting or burning
Thoughts of death and dying

What you can do …

Be patient with yourself. Know that there is no quick fix for what you have endured, but also remember that it is possible to heal
Seek help from a mental health professional who is experienced in working with sexual trauma.
Consider joining a support group for Child Sexual Abuse survivors
If you are not ready for counseling, consider calling a hotline for survivors, such as the DC Rape Crisis Center (202-333-RAPE) or the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN; 1-800-656-HOPE or online).
Consider keeping a journal to help process your feelings about your childhood abuse • Evaluate your relationships with others. Consider changing or letting go of relationships in which you feel used, abused, invalidated or not heard.
Only when you feel ready, think about ways to empower yourself by turning your experience into something positive. Some ideas include getting involved as a volunteer sexual assault counselor, raising money for the cause, or simply correcting misconceptions and misinformation when you hear it.