Like most of us, children and teens are feeling the impact of the uncertainty in our country and across the world. Between hurricanes, violent conflicts, and contentious elections it can feel overwhelming to discuss these topics with other adults let alone children. Young children may not watch the news or read stories online but they do sense when caregivers are concerned, scared, and worried. Teens not only sense the worry in adults, they have access to the news, hear about events through social media, and can create their own narrative of events. How do you, as a caregiver witnessing and experiencing this yourself, support your child or teen?
Ask
Ask them what they know, what they have heard, what they’ve seen, and what they think. Ask how this makes them feel. And listen; let them talk and share before you try to correct or clarify. As news stories unfold new information becomes available so plan to check in with your children and teens regularly to inquire about what they have heard and know.
Clarify
In a developmentally appropriate way explain what is happening. For young children this may include limited details and simple explanations. Answer their questions with simple factual information. Remember that young children can overhear the TV on or conversations being held in a different room; little children have “big” ears.
For teens, clarifying may include providing more information, watching the news together, and engaging in a dialog about events. Remember that you don’t have to have all of the answers and you can tell them that you don’t know. For teens it may be helpful to monitor more closely their technology and social media to temper the amount of difficult images they are viewing and ensure they are hearing accurate information.
Validate
What kids and teens are feeling makes sense; tell them it makes sense. Share with them what you’re feeling. Help them connect how their body feels (tight stomach, restless legs, heavy shoulders, etc.) to their emotions. Model identifying a feeling and the accompanying sensation AND the coping skills you are using. This will build resilience in difficult times. For instance: “I’m feeling overwhelmed and my stomach feels all mixed up. I am going to take some deep breaths and pretned to blow out a candle. Will you do that with me?”
Move
Help kids and teens move any anxious energy out of their bodies. Dance, stretch, do yoga, go for a walk, shake it out, or do jumping jacks. Grown-ups, your body also needs this! Be sure to move alongside your children and find other ways to calm your own nervous system, whether through music, hot tea, or a comforting scent.
Take Good Care
Remember to take care of you – as this creates capacity to show up for your children. This is also an opportunity to teach children and teens skills and ways to tolerate uncertainty and uncomfortable emotions.
Navigating Uncertainty